36 weeks. almost

Laying here. In bed. It hurts less this way. I feel bad not going 2 work, but it hurts 2 bad 2 sit there for hours, the baby is extremly low, and the dr thinks I have a hernia or pulled scar tissue from my past csection. I wanted 2 go on maternity leave this time. I had so many plans! So much 2 do, so many people 2 see. But now I'm stuck @ home. Can barely get up 2 make dinner and do the dishes. I'm trying 2 get a couple things done everyday. Mike loves that I'm home. I'm sure he won't when I don't get paid next week though. :( riley loves it 2. The quality family time is nice though. In baby terms. I'm huge, and so different then riley, more all around baby then with riley he was all out front and low. This baby is high. Had a bad dream last night, about having a baby boy, who was weeks old and I didn't seem connected 2 him. That scares me a little and made me think all day, of course in the same dream I was running! Yes running with officers, like I was in the academy, like that will ever happen! So who knows. Talked 2 god last night, made a deal of sorts, I woke up 2 find out I lost, for the first time, not that I even know if god tech agreed to the deal, so who knows if it even counted. Lol. I have been thinking 2 much, about everything lately, but what else is there 2 do really. But think, and wonder about the past, the present and the future. Being thankful for what I have, regretting things I did, and despising things that were done 2 me, but things I can't change so I guess it doesn't really matter. Maybe tomorrow will be better, :) we did easter eggs tonight! That was fun, one thing I look forward 2 every year. :) those r the moments, the times that I am happy, without thinking, just happy. :) I love watching riley, grow up, and put his personality into everything he does. And see. The things he gets from me, and michael. I am blessed. Everyday. :)

34 weeks!

I cant believe Im 35 weeks! Well, I guess I can, I feel Huge! but glad the time is nearly here!
2 weeks ago I had to go to the hospital for a NST, non stress test. The baby's heartbeat was over 190! so I had an ultrasound too. Everything was fine, so nearly 3 hours waiting in the hospital. Of course I asked the Ultrasound tech to confirm the gender, because Im crazy I think! She said it looks like a swollen labia to her. :) There was no penis, but maybe it was hiding, I just wish I could get a clear shot! a clear answer.. but I dont have to wait long to find out for sure. Good things come to those who wait :)
It was a crazy day, the day mike decided to change his own oil for the first time in 10 years! and the dang filter got stuck on, even pop pop could barely get it off using several tools. So I was at the hospital while michael was freaking out trying to fix his truck, and worried about me and the baby.
Went to the Dr today. I have been having Crazy horrible pain when I sit to long, or stand to long. I think its just because the baby is so low! But the Dr thinks I might have a Hernia. :( So I have to go to a surgical specialist to check things out. They cut my house to no more then 6 hours a day at work, Which will hurt us financially big time. But I know we will figure something out.
On Saturday I had my baby shower! It was fun! :) I am so glad I had one, there was allot of stuff I needed that I forgot I needed for a new baby.
The best part was seeing my friends and family and actually getting a chance to just sit and talk to them. Sometimes life gets so crazy that I only see them once a year! I'll do the blogging about the shower on my main page.
Still having those signs...lots of signs, little and big, nearly driving me nuts! and I am scared to trust in my feelings, because I dont want to be disappointed.. but I am not sure I will be disappointed. Of course I 100% trust god and the signs he is sending, .. but maybe they arent signs at all, and maybe I just spend to much time up in my head. I think it might be the crazy hormones. So I am waiting. :) because.. there is nothing else I can do,