Monday, March 29, 2010

36 weeks. almost

Laying here. In bed. It hurts less this way. I feel bad not going 2 work, but it hurts 2 bad 2 sit there for hours, the baby is extremly low, and the dr thinks I have a hernia or pulled scar tissue from my past csection. I wanted 2 go on maternity leave this time. I had so many plans! So much 2 do, so many people 2 see. But now I'm stuck @ home. Can barely get up 2 make dinner and do the dishes. I'm trying 2 get a couple things done everyday. Mike loves that I'm home. I'm sure he won't when I don't get paid next week though. :( riley loves it 2. The quality family time is nice though. In baby terms. I'm huge, and so different then riley, more all around baby then with riley he was all out front and low. This baby is high. Had a bad dream last night, about having a baby boy, who was weeks old and I didn't seem connected 2 him. That scares me a little and made me think all day, of course in the same dream I was running! Yes running with officers, like I was in the academy, like that will ever happen! So who knows. Talked 2 god last night, made a deal of sorts, I woke up 2 find out I lost, for the first time, not that I even know if god tech agreed to the deal, so who knows if it even counted. Lol. I have been thinking 2 much, about everything lately, but what else is there 2 do really. But think, and wonder about the past, the present and the future. Being thankful for what I have, regretting things I did, and despising things that were done 2 me, but things I can't change so I guess it doesn't really matter. Maybe tomorrow will be better, :) we did easter eggs tonight! That was fun, one thing I look forward 2 every year. :) those r the moments, the times that I am happy, without thinking, just happy. :) I love watching riley, grow up, and put his personality into everything he does. And see. The things he gets from me, and michael. I am blessed. Everyday. :)

Monday, March 15, 2010

34 weeks!

I cant believe Im 35 weeks! Well, I guess I can, I feel Huge! but glad the time is nearly here!
2 weeks ago I had to go to the hospital for a NST, non stress test. The baby's heartbeat was over 190! so I had an ultrasound too. Everything was fine, so nearly 3 hours waiting in the hospital. Of course I asked the Ultrasound tech to confirm the gender, because Im crazy I think! She said it looks like a swollen labia to her. :) There was no penis, but maybe it was hiding, I just wish I could get a clear shot! a clear answer.. but I dont have to wait long to find out for sure. Good things come to those who wait :)
It was a crazy day, the day mike decided to change his own oil for the first time in 10 years! and the dang filter got stuck on, even pop pop could barely get it off using several tools. So I was at the hospital while michael was freaking out trying to fix his truck, and worried about me and the baby.
Went to the Dr today. I have been having Crazy horrible pain when I sit to long, or stand to long. I think its just because the baby is so low! But the Dr thinks I might have a Hernia. :( So I have to go to a surgical specialist to check things out. They cut my house to no more then 6 hours a day at work, Which will hurt us financially big time. But I know we will figure something out.
On Saturday I had my baby shower! It was fun! :) I am so glad I had one, there was allot of stuff I needed that I forgot I needed for a new baby.
The best part was seeing my friends and family and actually getting a chance to just sit and talk to them. Sometimes life gets so crazy that I only see them once a year! I'll do the blogging about the shower on my main page.
Still having those signs...lots of signs, little and big, nearly driving me nuts! and I am scared to trust in my feelings, because I dont want to be disappointed.. but I am not sure I will be disappointed. Of course I 100% trust god and the signs he is sending, .. but maybe they arent signs at all, and maybe I just spend to much time up in my head. I think it might be the crazy hormones. So I am waiting. :) because.. there is nothing else I can do,

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Not a sign, Just a Coincidence

Im trying, :)

I know I'm silly, but I truely believe in Signs,
signs =
significance is a relationship between two sorts of things: signs and the kinds of things they signify (intend, express or mean), where one term necessarily causes something else to come to the mind. Distinguishing natural signs and conventional signs, the traditional theory of signs sets the following threefold partition of things:

There are things that are also signs of other things (as natural signs of the physical world and mental signs of the mind);
There are things that are always signs, as languages (natural and artificial) and other cultural nonverbal symbols, as documents, money, ceremonies, and rites

this is the one I am trying to see now :)
There are things that are just things, not any sign at all; Just a coincidence!!

I know, I believe in crazy things,Like Karma, getting back what you put into this world, Being Kind to everyone, smiling at strangers, seeing the Beauty the world has to offer, in the small things, like the sky, flowers, clouds, take time to stop and enjoy them. I try and live my life by the Hippie Motto. . Peace - in all things, Love - In every aspect of your life, and Happiness - in whoever you choose to be, and whatever you choose to do, as long as it doesnt hurt anyone else on purpose.
& I am teaching Riley to live this way, but also encouraging him to ask questions, and stand up for what he believes in.. even if its different then what I believe.
so with all that said.. here goes

me at 27 weeks,, bad pic I know I'll get a better one next week :)
I'm sure when I am holding my beautiful baby boy in my arms in 12 weeks I will be thinking how silly this whole thing sounds..

Since about week 8 Iv been positive I was having a girl, not an ounce of doubt in my mind, or my husbands, Riley's, my family's even my grandfather just knew it was a baby girl. when I was pregnant with RIley. we were thinking of names, and before I officially knew he was a boy, The name Riley Drew just felt right, and I knew he was a boy from day 1. This time,.. Liberty Gayle sounds right, feels right, and Brady Michael is ok, Mike says it really fits for him, and thats good :) It still not sitting well with me, but each day it gets a little more.. right.
On to the signs,
Everything about this pregnancy is different,
all the old wive's tells that it is a girl, says, it's a girl. the heart rate is 168-178 which is clearly a girl heart rate. boys are 140 and lower. I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome, which means I have high testosterone all the time! with this pregnancy I'm more of a girl, emotional and what I would consider crazy, crying at everything, and not having to shave my legs as often :) which is a blessing since its becoming harder everyday! Lol.
Everyday when I turn on the TV, there is something Liberty on it, Liberty mutual, the statue of liberty, I was watching a movie on lifetime, Bam! its based out of a small town called.. Liberty. On the way to work everyday it seems like I see nothing but Jeep Liberty's.! Riley and I came out of Fry's the other day,, and Hi, There was 2 Jeep liberty's one on each side of my veh!! Liberty tax's, Liberty Homes, A blog I stumpled upon, the writer is "libby" which is what we were calling the baby for months, turns out as I was reading, "libby" is prego due 2 days after me, she said It's a boy,!! she already has a boy about 2.5 years old, 2 months later! New post.. they were wrong, It's Not a boy, its a girl. Why does everything feel like a Sign! or maybe like taunting, My 2nd ultrasound the tech said "GIRL" first, then changed her mind to a boy.
the final sign was from my Mother. I cried and cried for nearly 2 days. Trying to convince myself that it was a Coincidnece, Not a Sign.
My uncle Joel sent me a package, of toys for riley which he LOVED thought it was Christmas all over again!
Bryan (mothers husband before she died) put in 3 things I had never seen before
the first in a stack of 3, was a baby book.. I never knew I had one, and I learned so much from just the few entries that she made. I smiled the very first day! of course, emotional, I cried, being so very thankful to have it,
the second was a very old photo album, from when my mom was maybe 18 and 19 years old, there were a few pics of me, and some of my dad., only a few of my mom. SMOKING, lol shame on her :)
so with my eyes filled with tears I slid the album off to see the 3rd book. which was a giant Bible! on the front. It said.. Holy Bible Liberty Family Edition. I lost it! I thought, if that isnt a sign, then I dont know what is. in the middle of the bible was a certificate stating that I Casey Michele Yakes has completed Bible School. :) That day... on the way to work. I saw 4 Jeep Liberty's. 2 Liberty Home signs (that have since disappeared) I think I cried most of the day, that day.

Since then, I have been trying to make myself understand, that it wasnt a sign. and Im sure the ultrasound techs are right. Trying to convince myself that I am having a boy. I got some clothes, and blue crib sheet and blanket. I feel good about having another boy. I am happy about it :) Truely thankful that I am able to have another baby, looking at the girls clothes are still tough, and whenever I buy something my inner conscience says "keep your reciept" you will need it when you exchange everything for girl stuff. I dont know how to get my brain to be quiet. So I cant wait for these last 12 weeks to pass! So I wont wonder anymore, wont have to doubt, so I can just enjoy a baby, soft, squishy, beautiful baby. & yes I do have pink stuff, but a baby is a baby :) & my baby wont mind if we have a pink Bumbo, :)
If I am not able to have another child after this, I want to cherish every single moment of everyday! with a baby girl, or a baby boy, :)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

23, plus weeks

I cant believe I'm over halfway done! Thank goodness, I hate being pregnant, I know allot of people really enjoy it, and some enjoy it sooo much they end up having 4-5 kids without really thinking about it. But I dont,
We are having another boy. So Riley will be so excited to have a brother.
I am still having doubts though, Its hard to believe that what we truely thought was wrong, and we were so sure we were calling her by name. and she.. Liberty Gayle was already part of the family. I couldnt believe how sad I was for awhile., I was nearly angry, but after thinking about it. and talking to mike we realized we were so upset because the ultrasound tech was HORRIBLE, she was mean, and short and didnt care at all. Its the same one that couldnt find my ovaries, and couldnt or didnt answer my questions about ovulation before I was pregnant. When she said "a boy" she seemed so proud of herself, and in a rude way, she seemed happy that we were a bit sad. and she didnt even try and get pictures of the face, or anything for me. It was just a bad experience.
The Dr, wants me to have another U/S, so I talked to him about what happened and asked to have someone else do it. He was completely fine, and I have another ultrasound on Friday! :) I am excited and I am preying that this one is 100 times better! Most of me still thinks she made a mistake and its a girl. But at least I will know for SURE on Friday. I have already picked out so many cute Boy things, Since we need everything again!! This time I want to make sure I look around, find just what I want and not settle. I am hoping to see his little face, cheeks. feet and hands.. She didnt show us any of those things either :( Just the spine and the "button" as she called it, which is lame! & it doesnt look like any of the boy ultrasounds I have googled.. and I have googled over 500 pictures!!.. it looks like a girl.. with a marble between her legs. not a normal boy ultrasound. so we will see :) I am excited either way! I wasnt at first but now I really am.
I tried scanning the 3 pics I did get, but my scanner isnt working. :( I'll keep trying.
I cant believe its so soon, but I am excited to hold my new beautiful baby! :)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Riley says funny things

Riley- 11am.. Mudder I a going to throw you a thank you party for everything you do for me and us.
Me- awe thank you so much
Riley- I have to many toys.
Me- well yes you do! and you need to pick them up before we carve pumpkins
Riley- (hands on hips) well! Hmm.. thats a mean attitude! ( walks out of the room)

Dad- whats all over your arms and back?
Riley- Chocolate
Dad- Riley why did you do that!
Riley- I'm a superhero and it gives me my powers

Riley- Mudder I love you all the way to my foot.. and all the way back

We are now in the stage of Questions!!! AHHH!!!!
this weeks questions:
why do we kiss.
why do we go pee pee
what does I love you mean
why do we have to go to bed
what does sweet dreams mean
why does phose (the cat) have hair on my face
... My Fav.. Hey,,,,, Why are you up? Its nearly 1pm... :) my kid knows me well.

and about a hundred times a day
What are you doing, where are you going? what are you eating? what are you watching? whats it called? why do I have to listen? wjy do I have to be quiet?

I sure do Love my little peanut! He is my heart :)

A Bit over 16 weeks!

I am about half way thru week 16.. or 4 months! I am feeling pregnant. & unfortunatly I dont have the luxury of having easy pregnancies. Maybe thats why God feels I should only get pregnant every 4 years :) I cant breath.. I have the Rhanitis of Pregnanct. which means I am stuffed up 22 hours a day. I wake up every 2 hours because my mouth is so dry, and I cant breath at all. Drinking all that water makes me have to pee every 2-3 hours. So I havent gotten much sleep in the last couple months. For some strange reason I am able to finally breath around 11am. when I should be getting up to start the day, Instead I sleep for a few hours before rushing off to work. I have cramps all day long, and worse after I pee. They even sent to me to the ER one day and I discovered I had a bladder infection so bad it was nearly a kidney infection. My tummy is getting bigger, and I keep forgetting its there. I havent felt the baby kick yet, but I do feel her fluttering around a bit. That makes me happy, My clothes dont fit. Im tired all the time, and I feel like Im not spending enough time with RIley. Ive fallen behind on my classes, the house is a mess. and I have so many bill I cant pay I dont even open the envelopes anymore.. My 31 birthday is a week from today, and I cant wait not to be 30 anymore, 30 was a HORRIBLE year! The next chapter of my life looks much better.
I have been feeling really sad lately.. very emotional, and hormonal..
I get to find out if I'm right, If Baby Libby is going to be here in April or a baby boy named Brady. Sometimes I think you just know things. in your heart and womens intuition... I have recently discovered mine works very well... :) so I am hoping this one is correct also. It would explain why Im acting like such a girl! Lol,
Riley has been having a tough time listening lately, but I think its just a phase.. well it better be a short one.. Mike is having a really hard time.. He has decided to get off his anxiety medication, which he discovered was the root of our problems.. Why he wasnt himself, and did things he would have never ever considered doing before. So he is stepping down slowly, but there are so many withdawl side effects from it. Im trying to be patient and I pray he will be back to the man I married soon.
I feel like someone stole my happy, and I am trying so hard to find my way back.
The best revenge is Success... and I know that.. so I know I will be my normal cheery self soon, and our dark cloud will pass. Every one has there moments, the periods in their life they would do anything to forget, So.. one day soon, the bad dreams will stop, the crazy thoughts in my head will disappear, and life will once again be sunshine and daisies.
I thank GOD for an amazing kid, who has helped me smile everyday. who reminds me of who I am, and why I am here. A husband, who is doing his best to help me, and fix the problem, who loves me so much, and shows me everyday. I am so thankful to be having a baby. and that this miracle happened after all the craziness. To bring our family closer together, I cant wait to find out if we are having a girl or a boy. Both have so many wonderful things to add to our family.
23 more days :)
So its 2am,... I am going to bed,, well at least for a couple hours anyways,
Tommorrow,.. will be a better day..
I think one of the main reasons I know I am having a girl is because I am so EMOTIONAL!! Its crazy! I have to stop watching depressing shows.. it gets me down.. and makes me think of all they crazy stuff in my life!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Over 12 weeks...

12 weeks! Its exciting, and irritating at the same time.

I dont feel pregnant...

No more sickness.. .

occational idegestion...

I lost 4 pounds and yet I feeeeeel.. fat. my belly pokes out more then normal..

and my pants are tight :p wishing it was appropriate to wear lounge pants everywhere.

I'v been looking for maternity jeans like crazy! I have ordered 2 pair off ebay. but they fit so weird! they are long wasted, and it feels like the crotch is down at my knees! oh well I'll keep looking.

I had my Dr appt last week, and she didnt even check for the heartbeat :( I was so sad, just a 4 min conversation.. do you have any questions?... are you cramping or bleeding? ok see you next month :p I was disappointed, worried and left feeling incomplete.. thats what I look forward to.. the heartbeat. which always makes me cry. @ hear my sweet baby, and now she/he is doing good,.

So trying to focus on other things, as in holidays, no money, working late hours and having what appears to be endless homework and tests I need to take. But there are good things too :) Like Riley, who brightens my everyday, & Michael whom I just adore, most of the time :)
& Ice cream which is always enjoyable, and my shows, which I know is lame to rely on TV, but its something I look forward to when I wake up.. Checking the TiVo.. to see what my faithful friend has picked for me to watch :)

Im hating not knowing if the baby is a Libby or a Brady... Not that I have any money at all right now, less then none is more like it, but it still makes me cringe a bit when I see things I need for the baby on sale....

My silly son :

Riley said.. "i'm worried about you mudder" the other day when I was sick and being grouchy with him.

Riley said " It was scrumptious!" when I asked if his belly was full after drinking his juice so fast.

Riley said to sharon "we have a pet, her name is Phose and she is always a cat"

Today, Riley got his own milk, didnt spill a drop!, and Opened the door for the UPS man! & brought in my package! which made me nervous! Since we have the latch on the top of the door, he is smart that little one :)
& I have to share the computer with him! Since in the morning he logs on to Nick jr games, or Thomas games. or watches Thomas movies on netflix! He even adds Thomas movies to my QUE! Potty training is going great! :) Im very proud of him, especially since he is so stubborn :)